My Least Favourite Christmas Songs – Louise Douglas

There are many things to love about Christmas and its traditions: fairylights, candles, Christmas trees, mistletoe, music…

But never mind all that’s good and heart-warming and beautiful. To balance the Christmas loveliness of other Boldwood posts, I’m turning to the dark side. Today, this is all about the festive music I don’t like, classics that, imho, shouldn’t be. So here they are in no particular order. Let us know if you agree with these choices or if there are any others that should be on the list!

1: It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas

This song implies a smooth transition from normal life to Christmas without acknowledging the masses of hard work it takes to achieve this. It brings to mind Stepford-esque housewives, their executive homes immaculately decorated while beneath their dutiful smile they’re exhausted and resentful, or Melania wandering bleakly through aisles of blood-red Christmas trees in the White House. So twee it makes my teeth hurt.

 

2: Little Drummer Boy

I expect this to be a controversial choice but I’m including it anyway. For one thing, who ever thought it would be a good idea to send a child with a drum to visit a newborn baby? For another, grown men shouldn’t be singing par-rumpuppy drum noises like it’s normal; it’s not, it’s embarrassing. For a third, that awkward Bing Crosby/David Bowie video, supposed to be taking place in a regular English home but looking like the decorated-up set for a US horror film and their cringeworthy banter about the butler. It’s just…. cringy.

 

 

3: Mistletoe and Wine

I can’t bear this condescending song. I can’t bear the lyrics. I can’t bear the tune. I can’t bear the lah-di-dah-ness of it, the worthiness of it. It sends me into an existential rage. No. Sorry Cliff, but no!

 

4: Wonderful Christmas Time.

This song encapsulates everything I’ve whinged about above, and more! It’s trite, it’s clichéd, it’s using sentimental shortcuts as an emotional prompt in a song that lacks genuine soul. Read the lyrics, they’re nonsensical. Sir Paul McCartney can do so much better so why didn’t he? Was it a cynical attempt to cash in on Christmas? Surely not!

 

5: Couldn’t decide between Baby It’s Cold Outside and Do They Know It’s Christmas, so I’ve gone for something leftfield instead. Here’s Iggy Pop singing White Christmas – almost certainly the most disturbing thing you’ll hear all day!