Always enter the hosts house through the back door. No book club host likes their doorbell going off every five minutes and waking up babies/over excited children. The host will put on a smile at the door for you, but inside they are silently cursing the day you were born.
The hosts children will be lurking on the staircases, try not to look them in the eye. It’s past their bedtimes and the host opened a bottle of chardonnay half an hour before guests started to arrive and just wants to get sloshed.
Keep conversation with the husband/partner to a minimum. He’s embarrassed enough that seven women he barely knows are in his living room on a Tuesday night and he has been banished to the bedroom to watch Netflix on his bed like a small boy.
Bring an offering, but make sure it’s not the bag of sweets that was on offer in Tesco. Your host will know you grabbed the first thing you saw as you raced into the shop on route to book club, when 3 women all turn up with the same bag of Cadburys nibbles.
If you haven’t read the book, just slip out the back door quietly when everyone is at the buffet.
Don’t start a hate campaign against the book if it wasn’t your cup of tea. Your host has thought long and hard about her choice/browsed the amazon top 100 on her lunch break.
If you drink too much wine there is strong possibility you will divulge far too much information to Ashtons mum from year 3, you will then find it difficult to make eye contact with her at the school gates with her the next morning.
If there is a cheeseboard on offer, always cut the cheese from the top of the rind vertically and not horizontally. There might be a cheese expert there and you don’t want to appear uncultured.
Make a decision before you leave if you will hug or kiss your host goodbye or not. A well-executed goodbye is paramount to your status in the book club; a sloppy half thought through exit is awkward for all involved. Remember, alcohol will have been drunk so any error at this final junction could leave a lasting memory for the group.
And finally always remember what happens in book club, stays on Facebook forever.
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